Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.

I know why Florina has become completely obsessed with Michelle Tea's writing. I zipped through Valencia in 2 days. Maybe it's because it all took place in San Francisco and I can picture exactly what she's talking about. I can picture her and her friends sitting at Baghdad's at 2am because I've done the same thing. It's weird and I love it.

I've been feeling kind of weird since last night. Finding out that a friend I haven't talked to in years passed away almost 4 months ago and I didn't even know about it until last night is just a strange feeling. It makes me wonder why I haven't been taken yet. Why, of all people, have I been left on this earth. It's something I used to think about even back in high school. I knew in my head that some people in my high school won't make it into adulthood I just always wondered who it would be. Fuck, some people I knew didn't even make it through high school at all. But why me? Why am I left? Those other people I've known mainly died in car accidents (I'm in cars all the time) or committed suicide (of course I've thought about it). It just makes me think that I need to be living as if I'm going to die tomorrow. I need to quit sweating the small stuff.

But why me? I've just been fucking around trying to figure out what to do with my life, not doing much that's worthwhile. So why was it the people who had something to really offer this world? Great artists, writers, and all around great people. I'm happy to have known these people and this world just won't be the same without them.

But as people pass on, new lives are brought into this world. I'm very happy that I found out I'm going to be an auntie. And being told that I will be an "awesome aunt" gave me a smile and a hope that things will get better.


In other parts of my heart and my brain, I'm ready to move and be free from a marriage that I went into knowing was a bad idea and have my name restored. Was that even me? When I talk about that life it feels like a different person. I'm ready to get rid of the photos, erase them from my life now because they were my life THEN.

Life happens

It's been a long time since I've written anything in here.

Instead of recapping the last 6 months or so, all I have to say is...

Portland is amazing.

I'm with an amazing woman, settled in a job, and about to take on hair school in a few months. But the past few days I've been under the weather and stuck at home either in bed or on the couch. And I feel restless. I think I'll clean up the place while everyone is at work.

Other than that I've been so happy I haven't exactly been budgeting myself very well. So it's back to writing everything down, pay the bills first, then budget out the rest.

Part of me is missing California (mainly Native Foods, Yogurtland, the beach, the weather). But I lalala love Portland. I think a trip through CA to move Christa up here should cure that. :)

Time for a shower and tidying this place up!

Early Riser

I couldn't sleep all last night, so I decided to get ready for work and go to the 24 hour coffee shop and load up on caffeine before I go in so I make it through the day.

Obviously, I made it to Portland. :) I love it here. I had a job 5 days into living here which definitely took a weight off my shoulders.

It's a bit strange not having a car of my own here, but I'm getting used to it and really don't mind it at all. I'm really looking forward to a future here.

There are these two ladies at a table near me just chatting away. It's adorable. As I'm getting older and hanging out with people younger than me, I'm realizing that there are so many things I want. I want a house with a yard and a garden, I want someone special to share that house with and wake up with every morning, and I want a life that I am supremely content with. I mean, I'm happy right now, but I want more.

But there are still a few things I know I need to do that are standing in the way of being absolutely 100% happy with my life. I just need to muster up the courage first.

Music Recommendation

Haven't done a music recommendation in a little bit so here's one for you.



I don't remember exactly how I found her, but Laura Marling is only 18 years old and has the voice of a scorned lover with the experiences of someone 50 years her senior. She's from Eversley, UK and also sings with Noah & The Whale. ..I think that's how I found her. Hmmm.

Her lyrics are pure poetry and instantly burn images of a story of crossed lovers in your mind. A few songs to get you started, "My Manic and I" and "Alas I Cannot Swim". She's released an album titled "Alas I Cannot Swim" and it's pretty brilliant.

Go go go!!

Oregon Trails Entry #1

So I'm starting this new string of entries reserved specifically for everything Portland. The title is an homage to being in the 3rd grade and playing Oregon Trail on the computer...just kidding. It's not to be taken seriously whatsoever.

I forgot how much I haaaaate searching for jobs. After being comfortable in a job for so long, you forget what it's like not to have one and to need one ASAP.

Well, it could be worse, we are moving to Portland in 11 days and at least I'm getting a head start on the job hunt.

It doesn't feel like we're moving in 11 days. It feels like it's still months away, but it will creep up so fast. I'm excited, nervous, scared, happy, ecstatic, all of the above. I've been talking to a new friend about our inability to stay in one place for too long. I was starting to think it was a bad thing because everyone always told me that, but now I'm realizing that it's okay. So neener neener.

The idea of moving to Portland was always in the back of my head, and I think fate/Krista finally gave me the push I needed. So in a way this feels so spur of the moment and kind of "what the hell am I doing?" but it also feels right, like it's what I've been planning to do all along.

I have so much to do and what a perfect time to have lost my day planner. I know I left it in Las Vegas, but the hotel refuses to recover it for me. So I resorted to an old, half used notebook from high school that's falling apart.

Anyways, Oregon Trails will continue through now and the move and when we are safe and sound in Portland.

Over and out.

By the way, here's where I'm moving. :)

Out of the archives

Something I used to do on previous blogs was giving music recommendations/song of the day at the end of an entry. I'm bringin that back.  I've always been one to share my music with people. Every mix cd I make for myself, I make an extra copy and give it to someone...anyone. Your song of the day today is:  "Out the Back Door" by Jesca Hoop.

Jesca Hoop has some fabulous style and her lyrics are like nothing I've ever heard. I got into her maybe 3 years ago when my brother was showing me the Live from the Hotel Cafe Vol. 1 cd. She has a song on there called "Life Within(A State of Bliss)", another great song. And then when I moved to the LA area I caught one of her shows at the Troubadour and it was phenomenal. She released an album last September called "Kismet". I highly suggest you pick it up.

If you know me at all, I'm sure you were expecting my first music recommendation to be Sia since I am officially obsessed with her, but don't worry she'll get a fairly long entry all of her own. :)

That's all for today, I'm gonna get started on book I just bought down at the used bookstore.

xox

A few things

For a person who doesn't watch much TV, I used to enjoy watching What Not To Wear. But now I think about it and if everyone dressed the same way that they tell people to dress, this world would be awfully boring. 

Also, for a person who doesn't watch much TV, I just spent all day watching television. I feel officially zombified.  But I'm bored out of my mind with no one to hang out with. Im going absolutely bananas.  Sometimes I think about video blogging again. What to do what to do...

I think I'm gonna go for a skate.

xoxo